I had a few challenging years, years when my dearest people were ill or dying and I felt I had to grow up too much too soon. But this year has proven to be the biggest challenge and has brought the most change so far. Battling on all fronts all the time is exhausting. Finally, when I look back on it, it really is the truth – “Day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different. ”

I haven’t been 30 for a full year yet, but it sure was eventful. In this time, I left the job and team I loved, and which was my home for almost 5 years, did a short stint in the construction industry, which gave me some valuable lessons about myself. And after being diagnosed with some stuff that really hurt me and shook me to the core, I decided to take a much-needed break. The first big one since I was 18. I traveled around Asia for 6 amazing weeks. I laughed, cried and despaired. And walked…I really walked a lot.

I saw love in its purest form – giving everything and not needing, wanting or expecting anything in return. Some people who I thought would be here, are gone, while some unexpected other people surprised me with their kindness & friendship. It was physically and mentally the most challenging year I ever had to face. It was sweaty, tiresome, smelly, exhausting and stressful. I felt like I won’t survive once or twice and got really close to waving to the other side recently. It was doctors and needles and stupid job interviews and mean girls, but also beautiful flowers, great memories, and awesome celebrations with the people I love.

For the past few years, I’ve faced this issue of wanting to be everything – a girlfriend, a boss lady, a mom, a student, a daughter – all at once. And felt like I was failing everywhere to some degree. This year gave me an opportunity and a lesson that sometimes you have to and need to stop before it is too late. I never thought this would happen, but I’ll spend half of what I thought would be the most productive year at home or unemployed. But it turns out this was exactly what I needed and it also turns out that working on yourself is also work of some sorts.

I feel comfortable in my skin and in my life like I never felt in my 20ties, or a year ago to be honest. I’ve grown to love the flaws that come with it and people who decide to stay even when it’s difficult, challenging and you feel you’re quite lost. I traveled, met amazing acquaintances from all over the world, found self-confidence for adventure I never knew I could have and learned to be fine on my own in strange, new countries.

Now, when I have quite a long recovery ahead of me, which will be a pain in the ass, I am grateful for everything. But especially for my family, my friends and for the opportunity that is life. Because things really can change in the blink of an eye when you least expect it. We don’t know how much time we have. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. [a little wisdom from the Lord of the Rings, for all of you geeks out there] 🙂

I hope in a few months some stuff will only be a distant bad memory and I can tackle the rest of this decade with grace I didn’t yet have in my 20ties. So, 30ties, bring it on. You’ll be the best decade so far.